Pesach – the turning point

Pesach has always been a turning point in my life. It comes and resolves my internal struggles when I need it most, and my life takes a more spiritual turn.

My first encounter with Judaism happened in the fall. My sister began to attend a Jewish school – a new phenomenon in our city in Ukraine. Previously, we had not heard of religious Jews. We had not even known that being Jewish involved a religion. We thought being Jewish was an excuse for the rest of the world to taunt and persecute us. We did not suspect that there was a lot more to Jewishness.

The first time I came to the school was Friday night. The families of the students were invited for dinner. I was told to wash my hands in a funny way and say some words I didn’t understand. But for some reason, I didn’t mind at all. I felt attracted to these people and these ancient traditions.

After my first Shabbos experience, I continued to come to the school regularly after my own classes were over. The teachers taught me to read Hebrew, and along the way, told me about Hashem, the Torah, and our mission as the Jewish people.

I had been looking for meaning in life. It was clear to me that life can only be meaningful if there is a G-d Who runs the world. The words of my new teachers entered my searching mind and began to fill the holes in my attempts to make sense of my existence. My new understanding made a lot more sense than anything I had ever heard before. But I still had doubts.

Then came Pesach. I had been learning about the holiday, but wasn’t sure what to expect at the seder. When my family and I got to the school, the room was crowded, and I could barely hear the rabbi. I don’t remember what he said. I think I spilled some salt water on somebody. I didn’t have a particularly spiritual experience. But by the time we left, I realized that I no longer had any doubts. I knew that everything I learned in the Jewish school was true. I knew that I wanted to keep mitzvos and to learn more about my heritage.

Fast forward a few years. I was in college, studying computer science. I was the only religious Jew I knew there. I felt very lonely. My strange practices were met with surprise and skepticism by my new friends. I felt pulled into the intellectually stimulating environment of the university. My connection to the Torah and mitzvos was becoming formal and cold, and sometimes I even felt that it was getting in the way of doing well in school.

Then came Pesach. I stayed with a friend’s family for Yom Tov. I don’t remember much about the divrei Torah at the seder, but when I woke up in the morning, I felt renewed enthusiasm for Judaism. Somehow all my issues had been resolved overnight. I felt sure that I was doing the right thing and that I would have the strength to continue my religious life, no matter what environment I find myself in.

Fast forward a few more years. In the months before Pesach, I received a request that stirred my heart. A teacher from my Jewish school in Ukraine was putting together a newsletter for former and current students. Someone mentioned to her that I write. She asked me to write an article for the newsletter.

I had given up writing in high school. Creativity did not seem to fit into a religious lifestyle with all of its formal requirements. My teachers advised me against becoming a writer, a childhood fantasy I had nurtured in my heart. I believed I was doing the right thing by studying computer science and limiting my intellectual explorations to the rational and logical.

But the teacher insisted that she needed an article about Pesach, written in Russian. Russian-speaking Jews, denied their heritage for so many years, had to hear about Judaism in their native language. I was very happy to accept the task. For the first time since becoming religious, I felt that I was using my G-d-given talents to do His will.

Fast forward many years later. I got married, then had children. I finished my computer science degree, but chose to stay home and devote my time to raising my children. I struggled with conquering the housework, sometimes prevailing and other times not. But my greatest housekeeping challenge was preparing for Pesach. The pre-Pesach days seemed like a marathon, and the amount of work seemed overwhelming. I wondered how other people did it, and if there was some vital information I was missing. But most of all, I was sad that such a beautiful holiday evoked such negative associations.

Last year, while I was busy cooking on chol hamoed Pesach, I had an idea. I realized that even though my Pesach is far from perfect, I have learned a lot from previous experience. Each year my Pesach preparations become smoother and calmer. I thought to myself how wonderful it would be if we could combine all of our experiences and learn from each other instead of from our own mistakes. I also thought it would be helpful to provide software where we could make all our lists, organize recipes, and plan tasks. This is how the idea of this web site was born. And now, again in the months before Pesach, I feel that I am finally combining my writing talents and my computer science background to create this web site.

I truly hope that all of us will be able to connect to the power of Pesach and experience a leap towards greater spiritual heights.